Of Birthdays
by omegatrinity
Summary: LucciKaku. Ish. Lucci's birthday, the CP9 members half-heartedly plan a party.


**Written for a friend, for her birthday, which is also Lucci's. It's late, but... Better late than never? Also? I totally know that I have no grasp of grammar.  
**

Kaku was sure he'd spent the better part of 3 hours "slaving" over the counter and when he stepped away from the bowl he felt he'd spent way too much of his life near he found that instead of the cake he expected would, more or less, produce itself was really just a bowl of half-stirred flour and globs of yolk.

It wasn't as though he lacked the intelligence to bake a cake. He had the three instructions on the side of the box, it wasn't rocket science and it certainly wasn't as hard as some of the things he'd accomplished in his life.

And yet, he seemed to be messing _something_ up as he peered into the glass bowl. It looked to be the right consistency, so at least he had mastered something. He considered, quickly, just throwing away the pudding-like mixture and just _buying_ a cake. Lucci probably wouldn't eat it anyway, Kaku assumed he wasn't really a party person, and he'd been the first to speak up when the idea to throw the man a party was first raised.

He was ignored, however. Although Jyabura was quick to support him - that idiot didn't deserve a party anyway. We'd run out of candles.

Kaku didn't bother to mention that Lucci wasn't actually turning, as Jyabura put it, 130 or whatever, but more like 29 and really, it wasn't that old by his standards, or anyone's standards. It wasn't even an officially "over the hill" age, and 29 didn't mark any sort of milestone. He _did_ make a point to mention that Jyabura was the oldest and if Lucci was turning 130, wouldn't that make Jyabura nearly 140? The conversation (concerning Lucci's age) was dropped after that.

The party was more Kumadori and Fukurou's idea, that Kaku assumed was an excuse to celebrate nothing because the CP9 "rarely does anything fun." It was a matter of minutes before various members were chatting their ideas, and soon enough the party for Lucci turned into a party for the CP9. Around the time someone thought to make it a surprise party, Lucci walked in.

"Party for what?" His eyebrows were raised in a way that said, pretty much, _Assassins don't plan parties._ And everyone turned to Fukurou as if on command to see if he would blurt out the just-planned celebration.

Noticing immediately the attention suddenly turned to him, Fukurou zipped his mouth shut and looked away from Lucci. This, as expected, irritated Lucci even more and Kaku was sure he was the only one who saw the man's lip turn up in disgust.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jyabura barks out, and suddenly everyone remembers that Jyabura can lie his way out of almost anything. "What kind of assassin group plans parties?" He folds his arms and looks away, exaggerating his look of disinterest in Lucci to make a point.

Kaku watches as the other members relax their shoulders, Lucci always seemed to catch everyone by surprise. He had a knack for spontaneous entry, and Kaku theorizes that their leader has a unspoken love for the dramatic.

Now, standing in front of his definitely-going-to-be cake, Kaku isn't sure how they got from Jyabura's lie, to his promise to bake the birthday cake for the party they were supposedly _not_ planning.

Kaku's back straightens when he hears a familiar snort from behind him. He turns to see Lucci walking by (clearly scoffing at whatever he was thinking about) when the other agent notices Kaku's presence in the kitchen.

There's an awkward pause where Kaku stumbles over things to say in his head to explain his location, but responds with a sickened squint. After what must have been a full two minutes. Lucci motions his head, slightly, to the counter.

"...Are you cooking?" And Kaku can tell from his expression that he's putting two and two together and suspects something is conspiring between the other members.

"It's pudding." Kaku blurts a little too fast for his liking, and then wishes he could rewind and try that again. "For...dessert." Good save.

Lucci gives Kaku the most incredulous look Lucci's face has ever expressed, and Kaku hopes that the other agent just walks away out of pure disbelief.

He doesn't.

"Pudding?" But he doesn't look curious, in fact, Kaku's pretty sure he could care less if he was making a _bomb_ in the kitchen. But Lucci likes to make people uncomfortable so he stands there and _stares_.

"For the ambassador's meeting." At least that was a better lie than the first two. Except for the box of cake mix to Kaku's right, and the frosting in Lucci's line of vision.

"Jyabura wanted cupcakes." Kaku kind of wishes he could kill himself, and he easily could, but there is no _way_ Lucci's letting him take the easy way out.

"Kind of early to be preparing food for a meeting scheduled next month." Kaku knows Lucci's on to their "surprise party." He's more irritated that the other man's expression hasn't changed since the look earlier, and he's just been standing there with vague indifference while Kaku struggles to think of worse excuses.

"Is that right?" Kaku says with a look of mild surprise, "Spandam told me to make this as soon as possible." He wasn't sure if using Spandam in his lies was a good idea, not that Lucci would go and _check_ with the superior if he had his doubts. Lucci preferred to see humiliation first hand, rather than let Spandam deal with it.

"Hm."

Safe, Kaku thinks.

"You don't put eggs in pudding." Lucci says and points, but he's not really looking in the direction of the food at all. Kaku wonders _how. On. Earth._Lucci knows how to make pudding, it definitely has nothing to do with murder, as far as Kaku's concerned, and since when did Lucci care for anything not directly pertaining to his occupation? He's never hated the man more than he has now.

"Guess I'll have to start over then." He's looking directly back into Lucci's dark eyes now, it's Kaku's subtle way of saying:_ Leave._

He does, finally, after looking over the rest of the kitchen as if to find some other thing Kaku was doing wrong and giving the long-nosed man a grunt that Kaku assumes was some version of, "Carry on."

As soon as Lucci leaves, he turns back to the bowl and grumbles. It would be infinitely easier to pick up a cake at a market in town, instead of pulling cooking savvy out of nowhere and hoping that the would-be cake turns out in some way that's remotely edible.

Food poisoning probably wouldn't even phase Lucci.

He _would_ know that Kaku was the root of the problem, however. As much as feeding the rest of the CP9 egg-filled half-baked soggy cake sounds like the way to go, he doesn't like the thought of having to do every errand usually taken care of by the various members while they're out of commission due to his less than admirable baking skills.

The three instructions are still there, and Kaku decides that starting over - even though those were 4 hours of his life he will never get back - is the best option over poisoning his fellow assassins. And honestly? What kind of idiot couldn't make cake from the box.

He tells himself that he's the best man for the job - but he's building it up like he does for missions. Except this _isn't_a mission. It's something 14 year old girls can do with their eyes closed.

So much for stroking his own ego, Kaku frowns.

It's another hour and a half before the mixture -the one he should have started over, but couldn't seem to move his pride out of the way enough to follow through with it - resembles cake batter. It's another hour of baking before it's done.

Frosting is another matter altogether. Kaku spends what seems like eternity staring down the icing and praying it somehow finds its way to the surface of the cake. He almost says, "Please?" in hopes that it'll take pity on how horribly drawn out this whole baking fiasco has been.

It doesn't, he knew it wouldn't, and he works at spreading it on evenly enough to cover up all the chunks of cake missing from the edges of what should've been a round dessert.

He sprints to where the party is being held, in hopes Lucci hasn't made it there already. Considering the way his day's played out already. Kaku doesn't think he's ever run as fast as he has today -he almost drops the cake. Twice.

He has just enough time to put the cake down with a, "Made it!" and turns to close the door. Lucci's standing in front of him, another "convenient" entry.

"Uh." Could this day get _any_ better?

"I don't think you've quite achieved the right consistency of pudding." Lucci motions to the cake, and he smirks when Kaku squints to figure out what he's referring to.

The cake.

He turns to look at his cake, slowly oozing towards one lop-sided edge. He moves back around to make a -what he knows will be a _particularly_ witty- response.

Everyone yells "**SURPRISE!**" when he opens his mouth. Lucci doesn't look shocked in the least, and he's still eyeing Kaku in what could only be an expression of 'nice job.' Count on Lucci to be sarcastic in facial features only.

It's another beat and Jyabura and Lucci are fighting about how old Lucci is, and how many candles he should put in the -now completely detached- cake.

Jyabura pokes it a little -and almost destroys it.

"Any idiot can make this, what'd you do?"

He puffs up, after all the work put into that stupid cake Jyabura better eat the entire thing, but Lucci grabs his shoulder from behind.

"For me?" But it's not a question, and Kaku thinks the meaning is entirely different, but they're around the other members. Something has to be censored.

"Happy Birthday?" Kaku smiles, mostly because he'll never have to do that again, partly because of the proximity. Lucci makes a motion that says he has something planned for later. Kaku knows better than to ask, he always liked surprises more than Lucci did anyway.


End file.
